Adventures In Boosh: The Untold Stories
by gagaluvr97
Summary: An untold adventure of Howard and Vince when Howard recieves a mysterious package.


The thick moon was shining over Nabootique, a light breeze was carrying the scent of rubbish through the air. The neon sign on the side of the shop was flickering. Vince opened up his latest issue of _Cheekbone_, flipping through the glossy pages filled with trendy types wearing flashy clothes. Howard was looking happily over Stationary Village. Naboo and Bollo were coming down the stairs, about to set off to the Velvet Onion to DJ at the latest hot event. When they reached the bottom, they came upon a family of maggots feasting upon one of Vince's raspberry boot laces. "What's going on here?" Naboo said angrily as his eyes scanned over the mess covering the checkered linoleum.

"What's up your ass this time?" Vince replied in his sarcastic tone he usually only used on Howard.

"Look at this mess! I hired you berks to take care of my shop, not turn it into a mosh pit!" the little enigma was in need of some weed.

"What's wrong with it?" the gender-bender was quite oblivious as to how filthy the shop was at the moment.

"There's maggots munching on your candy, there are clothes everywhere, and my auntie's ashes are scattered all over the counter!" Naboo was far from amused.

"Alright! I'll clean it up! But only if Howard will help me. I know for a fact I didn't spill your auntie." Vince pointed at Howard who was currently in a scat trance. He then bent down and picked up all the gaudy garments, leaving the ashes and maggots for Howard. "There! Happy now?" When the shaman gave him a satisfied nod, he ran up the stairs to put the clothes in the wash.

"Howard. Howard. Howard?" Naboo called to the jazzy man who just kept on scatting about, making his 'deep in the moment' face that looked like he was trying to do a shit. Naboo tried a different, louder approach "HOOOOOWWWWWAAAARRRRDDD!" the tiny man shouted with all his mystical might.

"Ahhh! Whoa, Naboo! Never snap a man out of a scat trance! His hair could fall out and his eyes could melt into his skull." Howard's heart was pounding as he stared at the short shaman.

"Yeah, yeah. Just clean up this mess and put my auntie back in her urn." He pointed at the counter where his aunt uneasily rested.

"Ahh! Oh god! I've been leaning on the poor woman's ashes this whole time? Why didn't you tell me?" Howard felt ashamed for disturbing the enigma's auntie.

"You were in a scat trance. Anyway, clean her up, yeah? We don't want to creep out the customers. It's bad enough you advertise your kinky business on the shutters." Vince let out a loud chuckle from the top of the stairs.

"That is graffiti! I'm not kinky at all!" Howard shouted defensively.

"Well, whatever you're involved in, keep it off the shutters yeah?" Naboo shrugged off the suggestion that Howard wasn't involved in anything. "Bollo, we better get moving if we don't wanna be late."

"Where are you two goin'?" Vince was still at the top of the stairs, this time working his way down.

"We're doing a gig at the Velvet Onion. Fossil's actually paying us in something besides polystyrene cups this time." Bollo jumped up and down with joy at this thought of actually having some cash in his bushy fur after a long, hard gig.

"Well you can't just leave us here all alone! You know how horrific it gets when you do!" Vince held a good point. At least once a week they get into some kind of trouble.

"Look, this is our big chance at getting some cash to give you guys a raise. Besides, a couple of girls are meeting us afterwards. So don't wait up. See you later." With that, Naboo and his brutish familiar shuffled down the street, leaving the quirky duo to their own devices.

Vince faced the counter where Naboo's auntie was being swept up. "Great, what do we do now?" Vince stood with his hands on his hips. Howard shrugged as he took a quick look at the fashionable Joan Jett jumpsuit, black boots, and raven hair that clothed the little pretty-boy. At the same time Vince was checking out the nutmeg turtleneck and chocolate pants with a beige fedora that Howard was wearing. He scoffed at the fashion nightmare, thinking about how he could possibly be friends with the little jazzy man. "Well, I'm gonna get a satsuma. Want anything?"

"No, Vince. You see, I don't need much to feed me besides my own oaky wisdom." The self-suffiency was overwhelmingly flowing from Howard, so much that Vince thought he might be swept away by the waves.

"Whatever. Be back in a minute." Another scoff escaped Vince's toothy smile. He ran up the stairs and didn't come down for a few minutes.

Howard moved from the counter to the family of maggots, transporting them to the small bin in the corner of the shop. "Haha! Take that you little buggers! You're no match for me! I'm Howard Moon, with my handy dustpan I am unstoppable. Hehe." Howard was gleaming with self-satisfaction.

"What are you going on about now?" Vince said as he walked off the bottom step, peeling his tiny fruit, letting the peels hit the floor as he walked.

"What do you mean?" Howard knew this was quickly going to turn into a comical fight.

"You're always going on about something"

"Oh, really? Do ya now?"

"Yeah. As a matter of fact, you're doin' it right now!"

"I certainly am not, sir!" Howard's tiny eyes became annoyed.

"You most definitely are!"

"No I am not, sir."

"You sure as hell are!"

"Alright! That's enough now! I have important things to do."

"Like what? Renovating Stationary Village?"

"As a matter of fact, yes! That's exactly what I'm going to do."

"What am I supposed to do then?" Vince was in dire need of entertainment.

"That's a question only you can answer."

"Well I would be in an electro three-way right now if we didn't have to run this stupid shop." Vince slumped down a red barber's chair and started munching away at his satsuma."

"Why don't you turn on some music then?"

"Howard that's a brilliant idea!" Vince said with juice spurting out of his mouth. He walked over to the stereo and put in a CD he had burned a week ago. He kept skipping to find a good song.

_"I am Electroboy-"_

_ "Don't be cynical, it's a follicle miracle!"_

_ "Nanageddon comin' with a demon in a wig"_

_ "Eels up inside ya-"_

_ "Forget the P-FUNK, we got the sea funk."_

_ "Do ya love me? Are you playin' those love games with me?"_ Vince finally settled for a Gary Numan classic. He moved to the middle of the shop and started dancing about.

"Oh, anything but Gary!" Howard covered his ears, disgusted by the selection.

"Hey! Don't bash the Numan!" Vince kept eating and dancing. Howard became highly concentrated upon his village. He kept rearranging things, but then putting them back again. He felt something was off, but he wasn't sure what. "Howard. Howard? Howard. Howard? Howard! Howard? How-"

"This better be important. I'm quite busy." Howard turned toward the dancing machine to see what he wanted.

"The seeds in satsumas, are they dried up eyeballs taken from dead bodies?"

"No, Vince. They're just seeds." With that, Howard went back to his renovations.

"Oh. Okay then. Just go about your business." Vince waved him off dismissively. Suddenly a deliveryman knocked on the shop door. Vince let him in and the burly man wheeled in a giant package that took up almost half the floor.

"Is there a Harold Moon here?" The man asked.

"It's Howard. Howard Moon."

"Whatever. Just sign here." Howard walked over and signed the man's clipboard. "A good day to you then."

"And to you too, sir." Howard waved goodbye and looked down at the package.

"What could it be?" Vince was perpetually perplexed.

"I don't rightly know, Vince." Howard was just as puzzled. He went behind the counter to fetch an X-ACTO knife. He approached the package to cut the tape when all of a sudden, the box burst open.


End file.
